Sometimes we can lose sight of ourselves and becoming a new mum is a common time to lose our sense of identity. It’s easy to get so involved with looking after your children so that you forget about yourself. Many mum’s suffer from baby blues, or post natal depression and it is believed that the reason why is because they lose sight of themselves, forget themselves and lose their identity.

The overwhelming responsibility of caretaking your child can take its toll and it’s really hard to switch off sometimes. It’s easy to get caught up in the day to day running of the household, cooking, cleaning, entertaining your child so that by the evening there is not much time or energy left for anything else, other than to flop in front of the TV, after all the chores have been done!

One of the ways to counteract baby blues, or post natal depression is to take time out for yourself which is often called ‘me’ time. This is so important and quite often many mums do not take it and then wonder why they start feeling fed up, tired and maybe a little bored. Pursuing a hobby, some form of exercise, study or even a part-time job can really make a difference to your sense of well being by reminding you what else you can do, besides being a mum. This can be empowering and give you a much needed boost to your energy levels.

It is really hard to know what you want to do when you are not really sure of yourself anymore as your sense of identity gets lost in motherhood. When there is a lack of self assurance, then it is hard to make decisions and choices. When you do not really ‘know’ yourself anymore it is difficult to reach or recognise what it is that can reignite the fire within and therefore give you the motivation to do something for yourself.

One of the ways to gain back that self assurance and confidence in making decisions for yourself and your family is to get to know yourself and also recognise your achievements.

First, how well do you know yourself and how often to do you pat yourself on the back for a job well done? One way of getting to know yourself better is to spend time with yourself, just like when you meet a partner and you spend a lot of time together getting to know each other, you do fun things together, share hobbies, go out together, socialise with each other’s friends etc…. you also nurture that person ie take care of them when they are ill, or had a bad day at work, or had some bad news, you support each other in hard times. Furthermore, you congratulate them on their achievements – even if it’s a small thing such as cooking you a lovely meal.

But, what about you?? How often do you do things that you enjoy? When was the last time you had fun with yourself? Do you nurture yourself, for example do you spend time relaxing, pursuing a hobby or what about mental stimulation? Are you supportive to yourself and are you there for yourself when times are hard? Finally, are you nice to yourself and do you compliment yourself when things go well?

If the answer is not very often or never, then maybe it’s time to shift the focus a little onto you. As a mum, you are probably the centre of the family, in fact the foundation upon which everything is built. Imagine if you build your house on shifting sands? By not looking after yourself, or nurturing your own needs you create an unstable feeling within yourself and this can impact on everyone else. A happy mummy is a happy family. So for things to change, you have to change!

“Whether you think you can, or whether you think you can’t, either way you are probably right.” Henry Ford

Are you a mum-in-training or about to have a baby?

Are you starting to feel out of your depth?  Do you sometimes wish for your old life back?

Being pregnant is a very special time for most women and it can be exciting looking forward to holding your little baby in your arms and you may even be impatient to meet him or her for the first time.

However, the reality is that once that baby arrives your whole world is turned upside down never to be the same again – this can be a wonderful experience, yet also scary and can lead to feeling somewhat out of your depth. 
The first year of your baby’s life can be amazing and beautiful, full of rich new experiences.  One thing that looking after a baby definitely is – is hard physical and emotional work.  There are challenges to overcome such as exhaustion, the changes in your body, being at home with the baby instead of your place of work and the complete change of your life style which can sometimes feel over whelming.

However, it doesn’t have to ‘feel’ hard and hard doesn’t need to have a negative association, the rewards are great and the sense of purpose and achievement can be enormously fulfilling  – it can be the magical event that you foresaw.

It’s all about how you look at your experience and consequently how it makes you feel.  In my experience one of the main things new mum’s struggle with is their feelings following the birth of their baby, though establishing a more relaxed and optimistic mindset beforehand can ensure that your thoughts and feelings during birth and afterwards are more positive.  If you are able to let go of needing to be in control of what happens every step of the way and accept what has already happened, then once your baby has arrived you can just deal with things as they occur and therefore you will significantly reduce your stress levels, feel happier within yourself and as a consequence your baby will too.

The expectation of what you think should happen and the kind of mother you think you should be can be a huge pressure to put upon yourself.  Acceptance can go a long way to reducing anxiety and bring peace of mind. Being able to accept that you are not super mum and are doing the best job you can do and even accepting help from others can go a long way to relieving some of that self-imposed pressure.  Also, being able to accept your baby as they are can be very freeing.  If beforehand we have a list of what we think should happen – my baby will be smiling within a few weeks, she will have lots of hair, will sleep through the night, will be a perfect angel, will be sitting up by 6 months then you may be sorely disappointed and perhaps stressed out, as babies are little individuals just like us and develop at their own unique pace.

So how do I overcome the challenges of being a new mum?

Reduce or even eradicate your expectations, exercise acceptance of what is and what you cannot change; be kind to yourself by nurturing you as well as your baby and enjoy being a mum.  Give yourself permission to bask in the beauty of the miracle that has happened and bless the gift you have received.

If you are wondering how on earth you are going to be able to reduce your stress levels, and feel better about yourself whilst adjusting to caring for your baby then Jackie Richardson at MindUrSelf, Bury St Edmunds in Suffolk may have the answers you seek.  She can teach you a new way of thinking that will enable you to enjoy being a mum and maximise the experience you have with your baby, as after all it doesn’t last forever  – it goes so quick!  Jackie says “My little one is nearly one year old already and I can’t believe how fast it has gone.”

At the end of the day, it can be your choice whether to enjoy being a new mum and sometimes it can take a bit of practise to be able to be at peace with your feelings and to change the way you view them – the good news is that Jackie can teach you how to be a happy mummy!

Jackie was brought up in Blackpool and spent several years in the RAF before embarking on an administrative route as a Personal Assistant for various large companies. In December 2000 she began her own business as a Wellness Consultant, attending many personal development and skills workshops and spent the next few years advising people on their nutritional needs, weight loss and how to raise their self-esteem. Through this she gained experience in life-coaching, helping people to re-evaluate their lives and give them the confidence and the necessary tools to pursue their goals and dreams.

After personal experience of counselling and hypnotherapy, she decided to learn psychotherapeutic methods in order to help others and gained her Hypnotherapy and Psychology qualification after three and a half years with the prestigious School of Analytical Counselling and Hypnotherapy (www.sachinternational.com ).  She also spent the Summers of 2006 and 2007 in Estonia attending CPD workshops in ‘understanding the masks we all wear in public’ and ‘opening up the heart – to be our true self.’

Throughout her professional development Jackie had undertaken a huge spiritual transformation and this has a strong influence on her attitude to life and work with her clients.  She is constantly developing herself as a therapist either through self study, reading and CPD.  Her next step has naturally taken her focus towards children following the birth of her baby boy in March 2010.  Currently she is studying child psychology and training as a Play Therapist to enable her to branch out into working with parents and their children.  She also does volunteer work at the local Children’s Centre as a Community Parent.

Jackie is a member of THE GENERAL HYPNOTHERAPY STANDARDS COUNCIL (GHSC). The GHR (The General Hypnotherapy Register) is the registering agency for the GHSC and all registered practitioners are fully insured and follow a strict code of ethics and practice.

The only prerequisite she has for any work done with her is that you have an open mind so that she can work with you to give you the tools that can ultimately help build your self-esteem and confidence enabling you to do anything that you set your sights on.

Jackie says “I believe that the power to change our lives lies within each and every one of us. However, most people do not know how to tap into that power themselves and end up being anxious, depressed, stressed, develop phobias or OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorders), whilst others relive childhood traumas over and over again in their adult lives which can mean a frustrating and unfulfilled life full of fear and insecurity. Some of us end up living like robots, not feeling or allowing ourselves to have dreams, just existing and going through the motions of life.”

Jackie’s work involves giving you the tools you need to be able to live the life you want without letting negativity drag you down. When it tries, you will have the tools to stop it.  She will work with you using mind therapies such as Coaching, Counselling, Psychotherapy, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy (CBT), hypnotherapy and Neuro-linguistic Programming (NLP).   Also, when appropriate, Jackie adopts a Spiritual approach as she believes that knowing who we truly are, can set us free.  Drawing from her experience of her own spiritual awakening she uses psychotherapeutic principles to teach why we are actually here and what our real purpose is.

Many problems are symptomatic of an imbalance deep within which can lead to emotional needs that are not being met. This means that barriers created by your subconscious to protect you from hurt or pain are blocking you from truly living.  Once we heal the hurt inside, you can live the life you deserve!

By tapping into your own resources she will show you how to utilise them to improve your life and even reach your full potential.  Jackie helps people with a variety of problems and even if you just feel dissatisfied and empty inside not really knowing what is missing, she can help you find the answers (that are already within you) to leading a fulfilled and happy life.  Or, if you just need to enhance your career, improve your relationships or be better at your chosen sport Jackie can help you with this too!

Change your life today!

Contact Jackie and employ your own personal trainer by calling 07771 620286 or email jackie.richardson@mindurself.co.uk

How many sessions will I need?
It depends on your motivation and desire to change.  Jackie treats everyone as an individual; therefore it is impossible to predict how long it will take to overcome self-limiting beliefs that also maybe attached to emotional issues that you wish to address.  However, Jackie does recommend at least 6 – 10 sessions in most cases, though she has had success with some clients who needed only 3 or 4 sessions.

What Is The Next Step?

Call Jackie on 07771 620286, employing your own Mind Coach is one step closer to taking control of your life.

Alternatively you can email Jackie at  jackie.richardson@mindurself.co.uk

M, Bury St Edmunds

“I felt at ease with Jackie, so for me, my sessions felt a lot like talking with a level-headed friend.  During the sessions we explored ideas and techniques, which made sense and helped me work through specific issues, yet could be applied to other areas of my life.  My coping abilities have dramatically improved, my self-confidence is building and I now find myself regularly challenging negative thoughts.  The positive effects that result from what I’ve learned about myself are ongoing. “

L, Bury St edmunds

“Before seeing Jackie, I always felt like an outsider, now I am much more willing to participate in group work and feel my contribution is worthwhile. ”  GR, Stowmarket

“Thanks jackie for all your help, I have seen many professionals over the years, but you were the only one to make me realise that my anxiety was not my fault nor should it be something I should beat myself up over.  Over the weeks I learnt a lot about myself and now feel much more positive about who I am as a person and what I deserve to be getting out of life.  I must admit to being surprised just how much I had been trying to keep a ‘lid on’ without really realising it, talking to you really helped me to re focus and to be kinder to myself. I would thoroughly recommend Jackie to anyone who needs a non judging, positive and friendly person to talk to, I know that the answers always come from within, but Jackie has the knack of making me feel comfortable and relaxed enough to open up and face my demons.”  AM, Bury St Edmunds

“Fantastic, life-changing experience with long lasting results. I am much more able to control my anger.”  PM , Surrey

“I have felt lonely for years however, working with Jackie has increased my self-esteem and enabled me to embark on a new relationship with confidence.”  RA, Colchester